


The Other Green Cat

by CondorRadcliff



Category: Game Grumps, Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Plurmp Dankenstein McFlurten The Cat (Esq.)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24086815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CondorRadcliff/pseuds/CondorRadcliff
Summary: Plurmp Dankenstein McFlurten The Cat (Esq.) has started what she thinks is a new job. BUT THEN, it gradually becomes clear that she is not who The Resistance thinks she is, forcing her to... ??? A Sonic the Hedgehog and Game Grumps crossover fic, in which identity is as paramount as the humor! (Posted on FFN as a "mistaken identity" contest entry. The meta nature of the Author's Notes is part of the joke.)
Kudos: 4





	The Other Green Cat

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note (header): I'm going to explain the fandoms now, for fandom blindness reasons.
> 
> Sonic the Hedgehog is the eponymous hero of a game series that first began in 1991. (As the name may imply, he is a hedgehog who is fast.) The setting of this franchise is on an Earth-like planet, populated by anthropomorphic, bipedal, humanoid talking animals - and sometimes humans too, when the game designers remember them. One of the more recent games is Sonic Forces, wherein the player can create and play as their own unique character with a relatively generous character creation system.
> 
> The Game Grumps are the eponymous heroes of an internet-video video-game channel. They are not spectacularly good at games but are amusing enough so the otherwise hateful Internet forgives them for it. They played through Sonic Forces a while ago, and created a certain character in it that stretches the generosity of the character creation system.
> 
> That should be all you need to know going into this.

It's been six months since I lost my job. And also the end of the world as we knew it, I guess.

Flames and explosions and robots - and often some combination of them in waves. Just, one after the other! I survived the attack on my hometown, moved, survived another attack - and repeat ad nauseum. Seeing as how I'm narrating my life story in the present tense, I clearly miraculously didn't die of boredom afterwards. Or of hunger.

It's been tough finding a job in the **After Times** \- and tough avoiding that Cyndi Hauper song wherever I go - but guess what, mysterious third person I'm talking to so I'm not talking to myself? I found a job! And not just that, but one that takes advantage of my pre-existing skills, and isn't just serving as "unnamed post-apocalyptic denim-clad muscle-mook #6" under a mook warlord _again_.

In hindsight, I really should have wondered a little more about why a group calling itself The Resistance was looking for a lawyer. Or why they knew I was a lawyer at first glance.

"Rookie, c'mon in!"

So, we're in the secret underground base. The red echidna who found me - I forget his name - invites me into their command room. I figure there's going to be an interview so I'm not surprised to see a couple of hedgehogs already there, a silver boy and a pink girl. They seem kinda young to be here.

If it was just them, I wouldn't be nervous. But who could expect Team Chaotix! The legendary heroes of legend, whose legend was told in a series of TV interviews with the legends themselves.

**Vector the Crocodile**! The mighty green defender of all that is good in the world!

**Espio the Chameleon**! The stealthy purple hunter of evil with whom even the shadows ally!

**Charmy Bee**! ...a _beeeeeeee_!

So this means I'm gonna be working with my heroes, _the planet's heroes_ , and all I need to do is pass an interview. No pressure, no problem - I think. I can feel my expression lock up into a smile and my eyes snap _aaaaaalllll_ the way open, but I think I impressed them.

(And you know what? I'm just gonna forget they're here, because I _do not need_ the extra anxiety!)

So, it's me and two hedgehogs and the echidna in a beat-up command room. " _This_ is the rookie?" the pink hedgehog asks. She looks and sounds disappointed, which is kinda insulting given how young she herself looks and sounds! Not sure she's out of grade school yet. I figure she's an intern or something, and that silent silver hedgehog next to her's the same.

From the corner of my eye I can see Captain McPunchington the echidna nod, and I don't think he noticed her tone like I did. "Everyone, you're familiar with Plum Arksteen McFleur? As you know, she's the hero of the Battle of Green Hill."

It's funny that came up: I'd always wanted to move to Green Hill from Seaside Hill. Though, being a coward, I also wished to stay as far away from any battles as possible. Might bring up that first one during the interview proper.

"Green Hill was one of the bases we reinforced. When Eggman's robots overran the final defensive line, only Plum stayed and fought."

I have to wonder who this Plum character is. They've got an _utterly_ absurd name, even if it sounds a little bit like my own.

"You guys read the reports; if not, there's video too." Fists McPunchington points at the computer the pink hedgehog's sitting in front of, and I guess she pulls up a file because now the wall-projected screen that I hadn't noticed before is playing a bunch of videos. Videos of a _very_ desperate armed conflict, along with a slideshow list of participants. He continues, "That wasn't a battle we were supposed to win - and then Plum put her foot down."

Videos of an avocado-green cat, looking very much like myself, begin playing. She's clearly a seasoned veteran of war and bloodshed; all she needs is an eyepatch to look like the greatest mercenary ever.

So that's her: Plum Arksteen McFleur. She's a hurricane in bipedal cat form, putting her _bare damn fists_ through solid metal robot armor - like a reborn, invincible cyborg or something. Her eyes, burgandy-blood-red like mine, are wide open from fury or joy or both as she looked into the very _souls_ of those who now _suddenly_ had them _solely_ for her benefit. One video, obviously edited into a clip show with Casement Movie Editor, even has a catchy high-tempo song added to it as background music.

And _now_ I make the connection: this warrior, this last line of defense whom even unfeeling robots learn to fear... must have _suggested_ me for the lawyering job! And that means _I've already got the job_ , interview be damned!

It meant that, when my first paycheck clears, I can finally afford to eat more than just the weeds and grass I can steal from slugs. I can drink water from the tap again, and not have to resort to "water" from an alleged "tap". I can live in someone's car instead of a drafty hole in the ground! I can illegally download streaming shows again, instead of - **ugh** \- watching them _legally_ like a _pleb_!

While I was thinking all about the future, I must've tuned out the present for a second, because now I'm catching the last part of Captain Fists " _Rumblefest_ " McPunchington's speech. "...so without further ado, say hello to our new field operative: Plum Arksteen McFleur (the Cat), the Green Hurricane of the Battle of Green Hill."

Since the Captain of General Affrays is pointing roughly in my direction, I look around for a hot second trying to find her. From the corner of my eye I can still see a video of the real Plum Arksteen McFleur decapitating robots with a spin-kick - _yes, the pluralizing is correct there_ \- but no, he's not an idiot. He can't possibly be referring to the murderer of robots on the screen, the one who looks and sounds like me, and can easily be mistaken for a version of me without crippling social anxiety...

And now, only now, I realize what he _actually_ means. But I'm not Plum Arksteen McFleur, and I'm not a battle-hardened un-aliver of robots, and I'm definitely not a cat who wants to be anywhere _near_ a fight!

I try to speak, to correct the misunderstanding, but words evade me _most truly_. The only good thing about my nervousness from before is that my eyes can't possibly open any wider, and my expression isn't going to falter, so my newborn terror probably won't register...

...wait, no, that's a _bad_ thing.

Anyways, before I can start shaking or emptying my bowels in fear, Captain ... _Dave Ryder the Echidna_? Hands me a gun of disquietingly large caliber, and tells me to go kick some ass.

But before I can do anything besides stare in quiet fear, the silver hedgehog hands me a W-4 form to fill out. I write down my own name - because there's _no way_ I'm stealing _her_ identity! - but I'm so nervous that " _Plurmp Dankenstein McFlurten (Esq.)_ " ends up looking just like " _Plum Arksteen McFleur (Esq.)_ ".

Sigh.

But hey: _job_.

I guess the good news is that now I get to work with my _**heroes**_. It sounds like more of an _**adventure**_ or _**blast**_ than it actually is, but now I get to help our _**forces**_ save this _**lost world**_ from some _**black knight**_ type, with our _**colors**_ all _**unleashed**_ for _**rivals**_ and/or future _**generations**_ to see. Gonna have to make an _**advance**_ for the _**ages**_ first. A _**lyric**_ (al) _**boom**_ that'll _**dash**_ this _**battle**_ into _**shattered crystal**_ , with a _**shuffle**_ and _**jump**_ and _**mania plus**_ a _**jam**_ , the likes of which no _**collection**_ of _**championship**_ -level _**fighters**_ can match.

And then, when this is all over, I'll make my _**mega**_ - _ **classic**_ ' _ **mean**_ _**bean**_ ' _**crackers**_ for them and we'll all go _**bowling**_ (I'm _**oh-six**_ in my league).

...Kinda wish I knew who this Sonic fellow they keep talking about is, though. He sounds important.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note (footer): I'm going to explain the jokes now, for fandom blindness reasons.
> 
> -Hauper. How-per. Hopper. She is a rabbit in this fic.
> 
> -"Unnamed post-apocalyptic denim-clad muscle-mook #6" is a JoJo Reference, because after 199X everything must be a JoJo Reference.
> 
> -Plurmp Dankenstein McFlurten (Esquire, because she's a lawyer) The Cat is the first in an ever-lengthening series of names the Game Grumps gave their custom character in their playthrough. The echidna's name is actually K'nuckles, with a hard 'K', and his ever-lengthening name in this fic is a reference to the custom character.
> 
> -The silver and pink hedgehogs are Silver the Needlemouse and Rosy the Rascal. They are both too young to be interning.
> 
> -Team Chaotix consists of those three named characters. They are celebrities in this fic, but in the real world they are often overlooked in favor of Mighty the Armadillo and Ray the Flying Squirrel.
> 
> -Plurmp Dankenstein McFlurten (Esq.) was created with freakishly giant red eyes and green fur. She is fabulous and a breakdancer besides. I have left out the fact that she is nude for a considerable amount of the Game Grumps' playthrough, and have changed the color slightly from "Barfy Green" to "Avocado Green" because I'm hungry as I write this.
> 
> -Green Hill and Seaside Hill are both boards in the Sonic franchise. Their names are somewhat misleading in this game.
> 
> -The Greatest Mercenary Ever wears an eyepatch and is the boss.
> 
> -The Battle of Green Hill did not go that well. You have been reading a Fix-Fic.
> 
> -Casement Movie Editor (now discontinued) was video editing software first introduced as part of Casement ME back in the year 2000. It was discontinued in early 2017, while still part of Casement 10, and replaced with Adobe Premiere Pro back in the nineties.
> 
> -A 'pleb' is a free, non-patrician citizen in ancient Rome. Some have survived into the present day and cling to public office.
> 
> -'General Affrays' sounds like 'General Affairs'. This is a pune, or play on words, unlike a pun which is actually amusing.
> 
> -'words evade me' is a common problem during episodes of mild anxiety, which the character has. This is not a reference to anything else, nor can it be.
> 
> -Dave Ryder is the main character of the British sci-fi sitcom Blue Midget. He is not an echidna.
> 
> -A W-4 is a piece of paperwork handed to modern indentured servants in the United States. It is considered a final insult to one's sense of self-worth.
> 
> -The oddly bolded and italicized words in the paragraphs towards the end are the names of unfinished Sonic the Hedgehog games. (With the exception of 'crackers', which is the game Team Chaotix originally comes from.)
> 
> -Did you know that spellcheck will recognize 'Dankenstein' as a proper noun?
> 
> Author's Note (serious): This was fun to write. I hope the humor comes through, and everyone who reads this is entertained. Please remember to like, comment, and subscribe.


End file.
